I look out
Peering to the daylight
From within my own cave
A modern day cave dweller
I stomp my feet, pound my fists
Nothing
Not a sound
Not even
An echo
So hungry
But if I go out
Out of my cave
My safe place
Will the light
Burn me
I have been burned
Before
I wonder why
Wonder of all
Wonder when
Wonder how
Wonder of all things
Wonder now
Wonder of woman
Not a wonder man
Wonder of god
Wonder of sorrow
No wonder
Wonderful
Wonder less
I wonder away
Wonder-lust
No wonder in my life
Wonder if I am missed
Wonder if I’ll be missed
Wonder if
I wonder
In all ways uncommon to my life
I try to find you, but you are absent in the wake of my days
Simple, is my mind
I think of you often, in those hours of the sleepless nights
I must so often endure in a cold bed
I seek warmth in you
You that is not present to me in my time of need
Dark and cloudy horizons loom
Drifting clouds of doubt and frustration linger
When the rain comes I am to melt in sadness and fear
Beneath a sun that is black in spirit
Oh my life
Why have you forsaken me to this, a non person?
A shell
Empty and void
Joy
Oh joy
When will you come to me?
I want to sing with you
To shout from the mountain and proclaim my happiness in knowing you
But my voice is shallow and muted
The lyrics of you elude me
Pestilence would be something to see
Deep within
Joy
Oh joy
Come to me
Bring me the peace of ages
Bring me my quiet slumber
Nay, not death I speak of
But the gentle sleep of angelic dreaming
The time when I can be happy
And in delight of my days
I cry sometimes
Sometimes I cry out
Time flies... too fast
I am so slow
Weighted down and burdened
By my own self loathing
Pity me, myself and I
The 3 of us are undone
By our own
Hand
Walking, walking and walking
Wet and sticky
The earth beneath my feet giving way
My life, drags behind me
Like a homeless persons shopping cart
Head down, not to view
The eyes that are watching me
Waiting to see me fall
Uneven and uneasy
Unsure, the earth beneath my feet
Sliding with every step
Backward, like a dancer stepping out of time
Dancing........into Oblivion
Getting dark outside, cold and wetter
The rain coming down, washes away my memory
I fade from view, soon to be forgotten
Wasted years, trying to find hope
I bend down, running my hands through the muck
Hoping to gleam some chance of redemption
Some chance at a life on fertile soil
To watch my dreams grow strong
And not to wilt away
I trudge on, with pain in tow
Supported only by to love of mine
I hope not to fail them
Or myself, while going towards the river banks
The river banks of torment
Which summon me on?
I find a place that's dry, if only for a while
Until the tide comes in
I look upon my feet, tired and swollen
To wipe the mud form my shoes
Mud of sorrow
That rolls back upon itself in my wake
I look at the distance of where I have been
I see no trace; the mud has resettled and covered my steps
No history of me, no signs that I have been
I look forward to where I must go, with hope glazing my vision
Looking for patches of sanity in which to rest my bones
What will become of me now?
Back into the mud I must go
Until
The next moment of peace
The next moment of delight
Wanting the Mud of my life to dry
And praying the is no quicksand
Beneath
